(Cues: Invader – Jim Johnston) Wiz: The great philosopher Plato once said… The measure of a man is what he does with power Boomstick: But to these guys power is the measure of a man. Wiz: Sephiroth, the fearsome One-Winged Angel of Final Fantasy. Boomstick: And Vergil, the half demon son of Sparda from Devil May Cry. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick. Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win…a DEATH BATTLE! Through the millennia, legends were passed down of a place with a source of unlimited energy. The Promised Land. Unfortunately, all hope of finding this sacred ground had been lost… Until the Shinra Electric Power Company excavated the remains of a being believed to hail from the very land they sought. Boomstick: They called this weird, naked purple lady Jenova and thought that if they could bring her back to life, She could help them find the Promised Land. But apparently, they just didn’t have any Phoenix downs. Wiz: If they couldn’t resurrect a being who could lead them to the Promised Land, Shinra decided they would simply create their own. After many experiments infusing Jenova cells with those of a human’s, they finally found their savior. His name was Sephiroth. Boomstick: With hair like that, it’s no wonder he was created in a lab! Look at how majestic that mane is. Wiz: According to Final Fantasy lore, Sephiroth has to use an entire bottle of shampoo and conditioner every single time he bathes. Boomstick: Why do you know that? Did you join his fan club or something? Wiz: U-uh… for research. But Shinra wasn’t interested in Sephiroth for his hair. Instead, he was an essential part of their SOLDIER program. Boomstick: Wait, wait. This electric company has their own private military!? I’d hate to miss a payment with those guys. Especially if they sent Seph after me. I mean, look at the ridiculously long sword he keeps with him! That’s his Masamune. This 7′ 2″ behemoth of a blade is a lot like the Nodachi swords they used back in Feudal Japan. But instead of wieldin’ simply long with two hands like those, Sephiroth only needs one. Wiz: Even that speaks nothing of his effectiveness as a warrior. Boomstick: Yeah, you know when people spread legends of someone they usually make him out to be even better than he really is. It’s the total opposite with Sephiroth. Wiz: With his superhuman speed, strength and durability, Sephiroth was instrumental in ensuring Shinra’s victory in the Wutai war, conquering the last free nation on the planet. He returned home a legend. Boomstick: But all those warm, fuzzy feelings of victory didn’t last long. While on a mission to the town of Nibelheim, Sephiroth found a bunch of books on the Jenova project. That’s when he discovered that he was a secret science project the whole time! Wiz: The truth crushed Sephiroth and droved him mad. In a rage, he annihiliated Nibelheim but was stopped by a mercenary named Cloud Strife. Sephiroth was impaled by the Buster Sword and fell… To his death. Boomstick: Oh… Well, that’s disappointing… Which is what I would’ve said if Sephiroth hadn’t been dropped into a hole in the ground that led him to the giant Windows screensaver called the Lifestream. Wiz: The Lifestream is a buried river of energy which basically maintains life across the planet. Normally merging with the Lifestream is the equivalent of entering the afterlife, but not for Sephiroth. Boomstick: And this is where things get weird, so buckle up. Still conscious, Sephiroth’s essence floated through the Lifestream for years until he absorbed enough energy to rebuild his body. With the energy of the Lifestream, he could control other beings with Jenova cells. Including the corpse of Jenova. Who he manipulated like a puppet and disguise as himself. Boomstick: Oh, what the hell, that’s his mom? Who would do that to her own mom!? I mean, I know she’s a genocide Lillian monster, but come on… Probably makes good breakfast. Wiz: But Sephiroth’s descent into the Lifestream offered him even more. It transformed him from a mere super soldier into the most dangerous being on the planet. He’s strong enough to throw a man hundreds of feet skyward, move at supersonic speeds and withstand brutal stab wounds through vital organs. Boomstick: He’s got illusion powers that can trick people by creating an entirely fake scenario. He can lift people with his mind including himself. And then he can just fly! ‘Ts how it works, right? Wiz: Additionally, Sephiroth can cast magic thanks to his on-hand Materia. Materia is crystallized life energy which grants different powers according to the type of materia use. Boomstick: This lets Sephy attack with fire, lightning, ice and earth based magic. He can block attacks with Barrier and Reflect, and heal himself with Cure and Regen. And ever since jumpin’ into the Lifestream, he’s had unlimited access to his magical powers. Wiz: With his new Godlike abilities Sephiroth began a plan to stop mankind from drying up the planet’s life force. Boomstick: That doesn’t sound so scary. That mean he’s an environmentalist, or- Wiz: But to do this, he decided to use black materia to summon a giant meteor to destroy the planet and absorb all of its life energy for himself. Boomstick: So, like, an opposite-environmentalist. A planet vampire. I mean we’re talkin’ about a guy who kicked a dude through solid concrete. Murdered the crap out of a 30-foot serpent with a spike through the face and tanked a dragon’s flamethrower attack without even getting a teensy bit hurt. Wiz: A particularly impressive feat considering this attack was capable of one-shotting fellow soldier Zack Fair. Boomstick: Uh, Wiz? You may need to up your prescription, ’cause that’s definitely Cloud. No, no, no, Cloud was just recalling false memories there. It was really Zack. However it WAS Cloud who impaled Sephiroth pre-Lifestream with the Buster Sword. Boomstick: And Holy God, is it huge. It’s like, two feet wide! You’d think a stab from that thing would just cut him in half! But Seph just kind of shook it off. Wiz: And in his rematch with Cloud, he blocked in an attack strong enough to crater the metal around him. Considering the diameter of the crater the surface area of Sephiroth’s feet and assuming the, most likely, steel composition. I estimate this attack is equal to nearly 1,600 tons of force. Boomstick: Sephiroth can use that wicked sword to stab and lift wanna be heroes by their ribcage. Slice through skyscrapers and shoot energy beams that can shred these huge Mako cannons. And from the Lifestream, Sephy figured out he could create new bodies or even take on other forms. Wiz: These forms greatly resemble certain creatures found in Christian and Jewish mythology. Boomstick: He certainly looks the part when he goes into his ultimate form. Wiz: Regardless, Sephiroth does possess a single black wing. A blatant symbol of his fall from grace. Boomstick: So basically, Final Fantasy does everything it can to not be subtle. Just like Sephiroth’s most devastating attack: Supernova. Which decimates an entire solar system. Wait if Seph’s that powerful how does anyone ever beat him? Wiz: Don’t get the wrong idea. There’s a lot of debate over how Supernova actually works, but I think it’s pretty clear that Sephiroth isn’t creating the explosion himself. Rather, he’s transporting his foes to a specific point in time within an alternate dimension. Boomstick: Careful Wiz, don’t sell it short. Wiz: Just look at it. When he uses the attack, reality literally crumbles away like glass. This is identical to the animation for certain summoned creatures. According to the official Crisis Core complete guide, Summons draw their targets into their own space in order to attack. And this is no different. In the Dissidia fighting games, Sephiroth goes for the simple approach and opens a dimensional hole to the explosion. The attack is even described as sending destruction even into other dimensions. And if he could summon planet busting meteors at will, Why did he go through so much trouble to get the black materia, which litterally summons meteors? Boomstick: That would explain why the Supernova doesn’t hurt him. He’s not really there, just using those illusion powers of his. With all these powers, I can’t believe Cloud and friends were able to take him down. Wiz: He’s not invincible, but he’s damn powerful. Ever persistent, Sephiroth departed with a final chilling promise. Sephiroth: I will… Never be a memory. Boomstick: Why does he sound so bored? Wiz: 2000 years ago, a great mutiny transpired in the Underworld. The demon warrior Sparda rebelled against his evil master Mundus. To protect the world, Sparda did his best to seal the connection between Hell and Earth. Boomstick: But then Sparda got lonely, or maybe it was just a sausage fest in there. Either way, he snuck out of hell long enough to knock up this chick named Eva. And she popped out a couple of awesome demon slayers. Nice choice. Wiz: You may remember the younger of the two, Dante. Boomstick: Oh yeah, he fought that witch chick with the hair. Wiz: But the eldest, and potentially deadliest brother was the one and only Vergil. Boomstick: Vergil and Dante were rivals from birth. Dante was a goofball, Vergil was serious. Dante hated his being a demon, and Vergil loved it. It’s that classic odd couple scenario. Wiz: But then one fateful day, in an act of vengeance against the late Sparda, a group of rogue demons separated the two brothers and killed their mother. Vergil was believed to be dead. But in reality, Vergil survived and set out on his own path to seek his father’s immense power for himself. Boomstick: And he’s 100% equipped to be a butt kickin’ demon slayer just like his pops. As a half-demon, Vergil can jump several times his own height, move at supersonic speeds, and heal himself quickly, kind of like that Wolverine guy. He can tough out getting stabbed through the lungs, intestines, the heart, body parts I’m pretty sure most people need. Wiz: Not if my experiment has anything to say about it… Boomstick: Did you say somethin’ Wiz? Wiz: I said not if Vergil’s abilities have anything to say about it! Boomstick: Well, sadly for any human, demon, or human demon who gets in his way, Vergil also happens to carry some extra deadly weapons on hand, including a spiffy katana called Tomato. Wiz: Yamato. Boomstick: Eh. It’s said that this sword can cut through anything. Even dimensions! And probably tomatoes. Actually, Yamato is the exact thing Sparda used to seal Hell from Earth in the first place. Wiz: Virgil’s sword fighting prowess draws from his Dark Slayer fighting style. Which emphasizes teleportation, lightning quick movements, and even quicker slashes straight from the sheath. This technique is directly influenced by Iaijutsu, the real life japanese art of the quick draw. And thanks to Vergil’s demonic powers, he can attack so fast the blade seems invisible. Boomstick: Ah, the only thing better than fightin’ with one sword is fightin’ with EIGHT! With Vergil’s ghostly Summoned Swords, he can turn himself into a living beyblade. Fire ’em like a machine gun or… Make it rain! Wiz: Blades maybe Vergil’s bread and butter, but if he needs to focus on brute strength, he switches to Beowulf. Boomstick: He can charge up blink of an eye punches and kicks that hit like a cement truck made of lead and k.o. some of the toughest demons in just a few hits. And hey! Looks like he digs Street Fighter. Wiz: There’s one more trick up Vergil’s sleeve. Thanks to his demon blood, he can access a form known as Devil Trigger. And this mode amplifies everything. His strength, speed and healing all get a huge boost, makin’ him several times deadlier than before. Plus he just looks badass. Wiz: In his quest to become as powerful as his father, Vergil’s abilities skyrocketed. He’s taken down dozens of demons in the blink of an eye and escaped an illusion from the sorcerer Arkham, which makes normal people go crazy. Boomstick: But if anything’s gonna show off what a son of Sparda can really do, it’s pitting him against his bro. Sure Vergil can easily avoid Dante’s bullets, but why dodge them when you can spin your sword line them all up and fire ’em back? Like a boss. Wiz: In the same battle, they briefly created a 12-foot diameter open space in a heavy rainstorm with nothing but their sword swings. On average, storms can fill a cubic foot space with as many as 30 raindrops. So, Vergil and Dante must have destroyed 108,000 raindrops in less than a second. Boomstick: If Vergil can swing his sword that fast, I bet he’d make a killing mowing lawns or chopping meat at the deli or givin’ haircuts. Or doin’ that thing where he chops bad guys to pieces so fast, they don’t even realize they’re dead yet. Like when he fought Beowulf. The monster, not the weapon. And then he punched him so hard, he flew 55 feet up and hit the ceiling. Wiz: When comparing Beowulf’s size to Vergil, he appears to be as large as an elephant. Given what’s available, this seems like our best measure of Vergil’s strength. But there is one issue. The Devil May Cry series makes frequent use of slow motion to depict the absurdity of these characters, and this could be a similar case. Boomstick: So let’s look at another slow-mo feat: The rainstorm fight. Wiz: At one point the rain freezes in place for about two and a half seconds as Vergil and Dante keep moving, indicating a 14,500 percent speed increase in real time. Applying the same degree to the Beowulf punch gives us an acceleration speed of about 4,882 feet per second. With that in mind, we can apply our previous data to deduce the maximum heights and ceiling, and determine Vergil’s striking strength to be nearly 720 million newtons of force. Boomstick: That’s a lot. Wiz: It matches Vergil’s incredible toughness too. Boomstick: We already mentioned its super healing factor, but its even more overpowered than you think. Vergil once got completely cut in half, but healed so fast that it’s impossible to even notice. Wiz: And his regeneration ability can be worn down. Boomstick: Yeah, that’s how this weird jester guy beat him. Wiz: But it takes a lot to pull off. And Vergil can always just use Yamato to hop through dimensions to get away, if he wants. Boomstick: Sadly, Vergil never got to rule the demon realm like he wanted. Wiz: Instead, the Demon King Mundus permanently transformed Vergil into his puppet, irreversibly manipulating his mind in the process. Boomstick: And then Dante kind of, uh… Exploded him. But one or two losses against someone who’s basically goddamn Satan hardly makes him a weakling. Wiz: Hell and Earth trembles before the power of Vergil. Vergil: It’ll be fun to fight with the Prince of Darkness. If my father did it… I should be able to do it too. (screaming) Wiz: All right the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate, once and for all. Boomstick: But before we get to the bloody slicin’ and dicin’, pick up some Blue Apron and slice and dice in your kitchen. Wiz: Blue Apron’s goal is to make incredible home-cooking accessible to anyone, and it can because it’s the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country. Boomstick: With their easy-to-follow instructions, I whip me up a delicious meal in no time. Wiz: Blue Apron delivers fresh pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes right to your door that can be cooked in under 45 minutes. The menu changes every week based on what’s in season, and is designed by Blue Apron’s in-house culinary team. Boomstick: You choose the plan that works best for you. Whether you’re makin’ a meal for two people, or your family of four. There’s tons of new recipes to choose from each week. Wiz: And if you want more than one, go for it! Depending on your plan, you can pick two to four meals from Blue Apron’s delicious recipes every week. Boomstick: Then there’s my favorite: The Wine Plan. Where you get six bottles of wine from renowned wine makers delivered monthly. Wiz: Blue Apron is treating DEATH BATTLE viewers to their first three meals with your first order if you visit BlueApron.com/Battle That’s a $30 value. Boomstick: I’ve got dibs on the roasted chicken and maple butter with mashed sweet potato and colored greens. Wiz: Blue Apron sends only non GMO ingredients and meat with no added hormones. Boomstick: So check out this week’s menu and get your $30 up with free shipping at BlueApron.com/Battle Wiz: Blue Apron: A better way to cook. Boomstick: But right now… IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (Cues: One Winged Devil – Therewolf Media) Sephiroth: Hmm.. You are powerful. I can see it. Vergil: Who are you? Sephiroth: Your despair. Announcer: FIGHT Vergil: Okay, you’re strong. But are you fast enough? Don’t move. Sephiroth: Ngh… I suppose it can’t be helped. Vergil: They’re fake? Stop wasting my time. You’re going down! Sephiroth: Behold the truth! Vergil: What is that!? Sephiroth: Super… nova. I saw you could pierce the fabric of our dimension, so I cast an illusion to disguise this. Witness oblivion! Vergil: (screaming) Vergil: I’m.. free. Sephiroth: Hmph… So you are. Announcer: KO Boomstick: Mmm, extra crispy. Wiz: These two were extremely powerful swordsmen. But Sephiroth’s cunning and stronger abilities led to his victory. Boomstick: Wait a minute, I though the lore said Vergil’s sword could cut through anything. Why didn’t it cut through Sephiroth’s sword? Wiz: Yamato was a unique weapon, but it’s legend clearly exaggerated. On multiple occasions, it’s clashed with Dante’s blade and even a common rocket launcher without cutting through either and sometimes required an exuberant amount of force to cut through tougher material. But let’s discuss the real facts. Boomstick: Like strength. So Vergil with Beowulf could do 720 million Newtons right? But there aren’t a lot of good Sephy’s strength feats to compare. Wiz: First let’s compare Sephiroth to a fellow first class member of the SOLDIER fighting force who had also been experimented on with Jenova cells: Zack Fair. Boomstick: Remember him? He’s the not-Cloud guy who fought that dragon. Wiz: At his peak, Zack could cut through a large metal door with one swing. Seemingly with most of his strength, given the size and width of the door, this feat’s sheer strength comes out to 980 million newtons. Boomstick: And Seph was way stronger than Zack. In fact if we look at their strength stats when they fought that dragon, Sephiroth was three and a half times stronger than Zack. Wiz: Putting Sephiroth strength output at over 3 billion newtons. That’s almost as much force as 30 Hiroshima bombs. Boomstick: Strength isn’t everything, though. Vergil was technically faster than Sephy, but Sephiroth has handled people of similar speeds before. Wiz: Plus, Sephiroth could survive plenty of hits because his healing power is broken. Wiz: The capabilities of Vergil’s healing factor was nearly unprecedented, but it had its limits. In contrast, Sephiroth’s healing abilities were only limited by his pool of magic, which was unlimited. Boomstick: Well, he also had to take some time to cast each healing spell, but that’s why he distracted Vergil with his illusions. Wiz: We know Vergil was susceptible to illusionary and mental attacks as it’s happened to him multiple times, and even led to his in-canon demise. Boomstick: And Sephiroth’s illusions could hide his ultimate technique. Yeah, Vergil’s healing was pretty awesome, but it was never gonna hold up under an exploding sun to the face. Wiz: Vergil put up a good fight, but he couldn’t match Sephiroth superior strength, magic and techniques. Boomstick: Looked like this devil’s cried for the last time. Wiz: The winner is Sephiroth. Chad: Hey I’m Chad I play Boomstick. Ben: I’m Ben I play Wiz. Chad: If you wanna get the fight music for this episode of DEATH BATTLE!, Just click the link in the description, and you can pick it up on iTunes. Ben: You can get music from Thor vs Wonder Woman, Naruto vs Ichigo a bunch of DEATH BATTLES. Chad: And if you want exclusive commentary on this episode, then click that box right over there in the corner. Ben: Thank you so much for joining us for DEATH BATTLE! Season 4 we’re excited to show you some awesome episodes next year, in Season 5.